Change Shouldn't Be This Hard!!

OK so I'm up at 2:30am on Monday when I have class at 9:00am and can't sleep because I keep thinking about this over and over so I'm going to put it out there and try to talk through it and hope that it helps.


     Sometimes I feel so under appreciated. I take what I'm given and try to run with it, I try to do the best that I can with what I have. Well I was given a position that is 'important' but not really seen as important. I have 2 jobs, one to make sure that everyone knows their stuff and to make sure that things run smoothly. Well to do this I decided to have a series of meetings where I would hold people responsible for having learned a certain amount of there material and run through things so everyone knows how it goes, and so that I can answer, or at least look for an answer, to the questions that they might have.

Great right?

     Well I send out an e-mail telling everyone involved that they are involved and when we would meet to run through things. Within an hour I had one reply telling me that they couldn't be at the first meeting that I had planned. By 8 I had half of the people involved telling me that they couldn't do it that day. okay, so I problem solved.....

     I send out a second e-mail telling them that I understand that they are all busy and that I don't want this to be too stressful for them so I will cancel the first meeting and we will plan on having a meeting on the next day I had planned. I said that because I do not know their schedules that we will try to work around them and asked them to send me times on that day that would work best for them. Within in less than ten minutes from the time that I hit the send button I had a reply from one of them saying 'not at all' no time that day would work for them.

     Now, knowing (and living with) this person I didn't reply, but rather went to the person and told them that they needed to find sometime that day that will work, it would only be for like an hour.... at most!

      They told me they couldn't do it.... "I'm to busy" was the response that I got. The other people in the room also were part of it, and preceded to tell me that they could also not do it.

     By this time I was pissed, but I held my cool and tried to talk to them. I explained that this needed to be done and that it wouldn't take that long. I told them that I had already canceled one and really didn't want to cancel this one as I don't like to make a habit out of canceling things.

     They then all preceded to tell me that they never had to meet this much before, and that I was starting too early. They said that I should expect to hear this from everyone because it's too soon.

     I wanted to SCREAM! I wanted to yell, "I don't care what you have done in the past. In the past you have not done it right. It is my responsiblity to make sure that you know your stuff, and that you do it correctly, and if that means that I have to change some of the things that you have done before that's what I will do." I wanted to walk over a smack them across the face!

     But I didn't I held my cool. I took a deep breath and walked away. I didn't say anything more. I returned to my room and tried to just let it go, but it is still bothering me.

       I don't take conflict well, that's one of my flaws. Either I lash out and fight back or I shut down. I wish this wasn't the case, but I don't really know how else to handle it. I hold in my feelings and walk away, I shut down.

     I am currently ready to throw in the towel and give up. I've just started and already they are fighting against me. I know that people don't like change, but if you ask any of these people they would say that change is good, and that they have no problem with it.

         Change isn't suppose to be this hard, especially for the person that wants it and is trying to make it happen. Change is suppose to hard for the people that fight against it.

One of my favorite quotes is:
   Nothing endures but change.
            ~Heraclitus