Change Shouldn't Be This Hard!!

OK so I'm up at 2:30am on Monday when I have class at 9:00am and can't sleep because I keep thinking about this over and over so I'm going to put it out there and try to talk through it and hope that it helps.


     Sometimes I feel so under appreciated. I take what I'm given and try to run with it, I try to do the best that I can with what I have. Well I was given a position that is 'important' but not really seen as important. I have 2 jobs, one to make sure that everyone knows their stuff and to make sure that things run smoothly. Well to do this I decided to have a series of meetings where I would hold people responsible for having learned a certain amount of there material and run through things so everyone knows how it goes, and so that I can answer, or at least look for an answer, to the questions that they might have.

Great right?

     Well I send out an e-mail telling everyone involved that they are involved and when we would meet to run through things. Within an hour I had one reply telling me that they couldn't be at the first meeting that I had planned. By 8 I had half of the people involved telling me that they couldn't do it that day. okay, so I problem solved.....

     I send out a second e-mail telling them that I understand that they are all busy and that I don't want this to be too stressful for them so I will cancel the first meeting and we will plan on having a meeting on the next day I had planned. I said that because I do not know their schedules that we will try to work around them and asked them to send me times on that day that would work best for them. Within in less than ten minutes from the time that I hit the send button I had a reply from one of them saying 'not at all' no time that day would work for them.

     Now, knowing (and living with) this person I didn't reply, but rather went to the person and told them that they needed to find sometime that day that will work, it would only be for like an hour.... at most!

      They told me they couldn't do it.... "I'm to busy" was the response that I got. The other people in the room also were part of it, and preceded to tell me that they could also not do it.

     By this time I was pissed, but I held my cool and tried to talk to them. I explained that this needed to be done and that it wouldn't take that long. I told them that I had already canceled one and really didn't want to cancel this one as I don't like to make a habit out of canceling things.

     They then all preceded to tell me that they never had to meet this much before, and that I was starting too early. They said that I should expect to hear this from everyone because it's too soon.

     I wanted to SCREAM! I wanted to yell, "I don't care what you have done in the past. In the past you have not done it right. It is my responsiblity to make sure that you know your stuff, and that you do it correctly, and if that means that I have to change some of the things that you have done before that's what I will do." I wanted to walk over a smack them across the face!

     But I didn't I held my cool. I took a deep breath and walked away. I didn't say anything more. I returned to my room and tried to just let it go, but it is still bothering me.

       I don't take conflict well, that's one of my flaws. Either I lash out and fight back or I shut down. I wish this wasn't the case, but I don't really know how else to handle it. I hold in my feelings and walk away, I shut down.

     I am currently ready to throw in the towel and give up. I've just started and already they are fighting against me. I know that people don't like change, but if you ask any of these people they would say that change is good, and that they have no problem with it.

         Change isn't suppose to be this hard, especially for the person that wants it and is trying to make it happen. Change is suppose to hard for the people that fight against it.

One of my favorite quotes is:
   Nothing endures but change.
            ~Heraclitus

Back at School!

So I'm back at school, and I should be studying right now but instead I decided to take a break and write for a little bit. There's something that has been bothering me lately and it's that I'm constantly studying. I realize that I am in school and that you are suppose to study in school, but it seems like that is all that I do, and it's getting really old really fast. I've never studied this much in my life! I decided that I was going to be an over achiever and take on a class load of 18 credits this semester... not a big deal, except that I have 2 upper level classes and a lower level class that require me to read anywhere from 50-100 pages a night. This may not sound like much but when you read at my pace it's a lot. If I am reading undistrubed for an hour I can read between 25 and 30 pages, depending on how complex the material is, therefore, if I have to read 50 pages, of easy material it will take me 2 hours (undisturbed). Okay, and that's all fine an dandy except the 3 classes that require the most reading from me, require complex reading from me.... so for me to read 100 pages it takes me approximately an hour and 1/2 to do so. Now multiply that by 3... 4 1/2 hours.... and take in to consideration that I easily get distracted (I think I'm ADD or something) it takes me 2-3 hours to complete one reading assignment. That's not enough time in my day!
UGH! well I have to get back to homework, as I feel that I may never finish it. Approx. 6 hours of reading left and I have class at 9 am.... it's 11:30... yeah I have to go.
NIGHT!

Radom quiz

Ok so this isn't my usual blog, but this is what I'm doing to procrastinate going to bed. So yeah.

Rule #1:If you read this you have to take it.
Rule # 2:You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments and asks about it.

TRUE OF FALSE
Q: I've been arrested?
A: False
Q: I like someone?
A: True
Q: I've held a snake?
A: True
Q: I've been suspended from school?
A: False
Q: I've sang karaoke?
A: True
Q: I've done something I told myself I wouldn't?
A: True.
Q: I've laughed until I started crying?
A: True
Q: I've caught a snowflake on my tongue?
A: True
Q: I've sang in the shower?
A: True
Q: I've sat on a roof top?
A: False
Q: I've been pushed into a pool with all my clothes on?
A: False
Q: I've broken a bone?
A: False
Q: I've shaved my head?
A: False
Q: I've played a prank on someone?
A: True
Q: I've shot a gun?
A: True
Q: I've donated blood?
A: True

LAST PERSON...
1. You hung out with? Justin
2. You texted? George
3. You were in a car with? Tyler
4. Went to the movies with? My Mom and Rick
5. Person you went to shop with? My Mom
6. You talked on the phone? Rick
7. Made you laugh? Justin
8. You hugged? Justin

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon? Moon.
2. Winter or Fall? Fall
3. Sunny or rainy? Rain
4. Where do you live? I have two homes, 1 in BAYARD and 1 in LINCOLN
5. Club or pub? Club
6. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? YES
7. Do you want to get married? Definately someday
8. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Usually twirl it, sometimes both
9. What time is it? 10:59 MT
10. Are you afraid of commitment? No
11. What is your greatest hope/wish? To find something that I can do for the rest of my life that will allow me to be happy, and spend time with my family
12. Do you cook? I can
13. Current mood? bored

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? No
2. Sang? Yes
3. Listened to music? Yes
4. Danced Crazy? Yes
5. Cried? Not sad tears
6. Like someone you can't have? Yes

25 FIRSTS .....
1.Who was your first prom date? I never took someone to prom, always went 'alone' and hung with my friends all night.
2. Who was your first roommate? Paula, Although I did spend a week at summer camp with 2 girls Sarah and Kayla, but Paula was my first real roommate
3. What was your first job? Waitress
4. What was your first car? Chevy Cavilier
5. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing? my great grandma's funeral when I was 8, but I don't really remember one before my great grandpa's when I was 12
6. Who was your first grade teacher? Miss Murh
7. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Florida, actually Chicago, we had a lay over.
8. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with/for? I've never snuck out of my house.
9. Who was your first Best Friend? Kelli
10. Who is your best friend? Katelyn
11. Where was your first sleepover? My house
12. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? My Mom
13. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or Groomsman? The closest I've been is a flower girl when I was 4, for would farmhand.
14. What's the first thing you did when you got up this morning? washed my face and then took the dog to get groomed
15. What was the first concert you went to? Steve Azar
16. What was the last concert you went to? Carrie Underwood, Heartland, and Jason Alden (at National FFA), but I saw Washington Projects perfom at Dare2Share (not really a 'concert')
17. Tattoo or piercing? Piercing
21. First celebrity crush? IDK
22. Current Celebrity Crush? Don't really have one
23. First crush? Aaron
24. Current crush? ummm, well that's my business. I'm sure you can figure it out if you continue to read my blogs.
25. First pet? 3 baby mice

Movie Time

So I'm watching a movie about a teacher that changes the world. Or at least the lives of his students. It's the usual teacher movie. He wants to make a difference, goes to an inner city school, with students that don't want to be there and have better things to do, then raises there grades and makes them like to attend class.

In this case he starts teaching in a school in a small town in one of the Carolina's. While there he raises the students scores on standardized tests. He then decides that he needs to do more with his life. He moves to New York and looks for a job. While there he starts working at a restaurant and looks for a job. He finally finds a job teaching fifth grade students that are the students with the lowest test scores on their standardized tests. They treat him like poo and he just deals with it at first. He continues to work at the restaurant and meets a girl there. She is taken by a guy, but they "aren't living together".

I have not yet seen the movie to the end and am writing this as I watch it, but I predict that he ends up with the girl from the restaurant.

He is also currently struggling with one student more than any other, and has one student that wants to be there, but is treated like a nobody both at school and by her family at home. There is are two boys that are separated from the class in that they doesn't participate and act like a hard asses, they also fight with each other.

I predict that the student he struggles with will be the one that is most passionate in his class and the leader. The boys will become friends, and the girl that likes his class will continue to be shy until the very last minute and then stand up to the class.

He has currently left the class, given up on them, and walked out. When he does the girl from the restaurant sees him and talks to him about him leaving. They spend the rest of the day together and she shows him the city. Then she tells him he can't leave, that the kids depend on him.

Well we are now on a commercial break and I'm tired of relaying the movie. I also don't want to ruin the movie for those of you who have not watched it. So check out "The Ron Clark Story" and find out if my predictions do infact come true.

New Year - New Life!?!?

So I'm home for winter break and it's New Years. I've been in school for three semesters now and made lots of friends, I came back home and well, it's like I don't have friends anymore. I mean I do, but just like I made friends when I went to school, my friends had moved on, they have made new friends and even though we may still be friends we don't have anything to do with each other.

It's so odd coming home, because it's almost like I'm living a double life. I have my school friends and my home friends, my school activities and my home activities, my school life and my home life. They are so different.

At home I have my friends from high school. Some of them have not changed at all and some have changed so much. They have all made new friends with people that I don't know, and because we are friends they try to include me, but I feel so awkward, and so out of place, that I've started to turn down the invitations.

At school I hang with my girls, I always have someone to watch movies with, go to the club with, hang out with, party with, or even to just study with. When I don't have someone to hang with I have something else to do, studying or working, or things with the house, or even volunteering. But home there is nothing, especially during winter break because there is no homework for me to do. There are no clubs, no where to go, nothing. It is like I'm on an island secluded from everyone that I know and hang out with. I'm just stuck.

At school my life is social, interesting, and a learning experience. At home it is a boring, secluded, mind numbing experience, I become a couch potato. Don't get me wrong I love coming back and seeing my family, but I have friends at school that have developed into a family.

Well, I have to get back to being a boring couch potato, but I hope that you've enjoyed reading.